While writing a piece on translating “Momisms” into what we really mean, I realized there are some commonalities among moms of each sex that bond us together. Of course every child is different, but if you’re the mom of a boy, I’m guessing some of these will sound (and smell) all too familiar.
You know you’re the mom of a boy if …
- You find yourself holding a living creature that you would usually run away from screaming.
- A girl makes eyes at your son and you have this weird urge to pull her aside and call her a tramp (whether she’s 6 or 16).
- You have an unhealthy knowledge of the point/gem system for Temple Run, Dragonvale, Bakugan, Plants vs. Zombies, Cube Runner …
- You can’t muster the brain power to recall what you ate for breakfast, yet you can inherently transform a Transformer (without the 30 pages of directions it came with).
- You bought a car based solely on how much equipment you could fit in the trunk.
- Your child asks you to marry him and you’re totally considering it.
- You know what a Ripstik is and you’re not afraid to use it.
- You spend much of your days in a fog of fart odor and some of it is proudly yours. (What? How else can you impress your male offspring?)
- A little penis seems to be constantly whizzing by (well, let’s hope that’s your sons).
- You’ve actually placed yourself under a tree with the feeling that, if that kiddo loses footing you’ll at least be there to break his fall.
- You know the pain of stepping on a Lego … and may in fact, have one imbedded somewhere in your body right now.
- There’s a finger in your eye, your ear, or up your nose and it’s not yours.
- You understand what I mean when I say “bleacher butt,” as in, “My sits bones are literally numb, I have bleacher butt.”
- There’s a rogue Bey Blade in your purse.
- You’ve found yourself saying things like, “No, you can’t ride the dog.” and “Yes, you do have to keep your pants on in public.”
- You’ve had in depth conversations about who would win in multiple variations of match-ups involving Spider-Man, Iron Man, Captain America, X-Men, Daddy …
- You can’t wait until he’s old enough to watch Airplane, The Naked Gun, Caddy Shack, Vacation, Fletch, The Three Amigos…
- Though you claim to be an absolute pacifist, you’ve had a talk that involved you urging, “Sometimes you gotta push back.”
- You’ve considered leashing your son at a theme park and he’s 12.
- You’re on a first name basis with the orderlies at the ER who provide slings, splints, casts, and those velcro boots.
- You may have shamefully thought, “It wouldn’t be so bad if he married an orphan.”
- You can use your keyboard, phone, iPad, but there’s a good chance your fingers will get stuck to it.
- At some point you notice the change in smell from “OMG sooo sweet” to “Get that tween some AXE.”
- There’s a love you feel for your son that’s too great and sometimes too scary to fully explain or even comprehend.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to the women who got a gulp when their babies were born — thinking One day they might leave you for another woman!!!
XO – Jenny From the Blog (Look for the piece: “You Know You’re the Mom of A Girl If…”)
BE AWESOME, SHARE THIS WITH OTHER MOMS
BE AWESOMER, COME GET THOSE RED CLAY STAINS OUT OF MY SON’S BASEBALL PANTS