Why Steal Candy From Babies When You Can Steal iPhones | People are So Disturbed

When I heard a man was caught on video stealing an iPhone from a baby, I had to ask, “Really? what kind of immoral thief are you?” And “where can I see that video?”

Listen, I find babies super cute, not in a “OMG, I need another one of those,” or a “Can I please hold your baby — random stranger?” kinda way. In a “That little bundle is seriously precious when he’s quiet or cooing, and looks even cuter through the window of this Starbucks,” kinda way. I also believe that no one can resist a baby dressed in a costume or using an adult item that’s been miniaturized, like wearing those mini Air Jordan’s or carrying a tiny briefcase.

So, when I heard a man had taken an iPhone from the hands of a sweet innocent child, I had to ask the obvious questions:

  1. Was the child in a cute costume of any sort … perhaps wearing a tiny tuxedo?
  2. Was the child about to clear a board on Angry Birds that he had never passed or was he possibly watching an episode of Phineas and Ferb on the Disney XD app and now he’ll never know if Candice tells her mother of the boys’ hijinks in time to catch them?
  3. Was this some Robin Hood-esque act of justice, in which the thief took that phone to give to another baby who was needier — maybe one who had a first generation iPhone or dare I say, a Blackberry?!

Not knowing the answers to these questions will haunt me … will haunt us all. Worse, is the thought you may not have thunk, “How will this affect me?” When other crooks see how easy it is to take an iPhone from a baby, will they start adopting this practice as well? If so, does that mean I won’t be able to hand my child my iPhone/iPad/KindleFire/Nook in the hopes of taking a few minutes to peacefully assess my options in jewel-tone skinny jeans?

Will I not be able to wait patiently in line for my latte while my little one gleefully attempts to breed a rainbow dragon or learn random words in Spanish?  Because that would beyond suck. Not just because those coffee lines are long and my kids get bored if they’re not stimulated for more than 30 seconds, but also because it’s really cute when they say things in other languages.

I’d like to suggest that we not let the lawbreakers win, and simply fasten these items to our children like pacifiers.

“Oh, you want that iPhone?  Well, you’ll have to take the baby with it, and let me tell you she doesn’t sleep through the night and um, good luck breast feeding!”

Um, no thanks ma’am you keep her.

See, problem solved. 

You’re welcome.

Of course, feel free to let me know if you have any better ideas …



10 thoughts on “Why Steal Candy From Babies When You Can Steal iPhones | People are So Disturbed

  1. Barry

    I have your answer. What you need is a GUARD. Someone to protect your I phone. Maybe a cute Barista would “do the trick”.no pun intended. Not sure your husband would agree, not that he’d be jealous, he wouldn’t want to spend the money.

  2. Bari

    Well,how about downloading one of the Tazer apps. Some tries to take that baby’s phone and down he goes. Take that you I phone thugs!

  3. Julia's Math

    Firstly can you find any cute jewel toned skinny jeans?! The pair I tried on at Old Navy left me sobbing in a little ball in the corner of the dressing room. Even my ANKLES were too big for not only my regulrar size, they were too big for DOUBLE my regular size. And why did they even have a zipper if they were cut five inches below my belly buttons? Why not just skip it and have a button? Maybe they are saving money on manufacturing b using the same zippers as in my daughter’s 3T jeans?
    If I attached my iPhone to my kid maybe I won’t lose it so much also. That would great. As it is I keep the freaking find my phone app in business.
    And yes, anything in mini is cute. Anything. Except for zippers on skinny jeans.

    1. Jenny from the blog Post author

      Julia – you do make me laugh. I’m so glad you didn’t leave! I don’t get the zipper either, I have one pair with just a button and a faux zipper and I think they’re brilliant. I like to wait until the last minute to go to the bathroom when wearing them because I know they’ll be so easy to get off. Maybe that’s a good time saving tip. Imagine how much more I can get done with that extra minute or 2 ten x’s per day. Why, I could have a complete thought!!!


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