We May or May Not Be Dirtbags | Depends on Who you Ask

Jake’s Friend: What happened to the big cushion on your sofa?

Me: We removed it because it was too comfortable and we weren’t able to get people to leave our house when we wanted them to go.

Friend:  Really?

Me: Yeah,  and also we kept falling asleep on it and not watching the ends of shows that we hadn’t TiVoed, so it was really frustrating.

Friend:  Really?

Me:  Yep

Friend:  Oh.

Jake: Nu uh, our cat peed on it

Friend: Oh.

Me: Thanks Jake, I think we should go with my story in the future.  Yours was embarrassing.
We sound like the Beverly Hillbillies.

Jake: The who?

Me:  My way, we sound like we have the most awesome couch ever and when we tell people about it they’re thinking, Their couch WAS amazing, I wish I spent more time on it when I had the chance. It probably cost a fortune. The Isenman’s are super classy.  Your way, they’re like, gross you live like animals. 

This is why you’ll never be a politician.

Friend:  Jake, your mom is weird.

Great

Follow me on Twitter
Subscribe to The Suburban Jungle (it’ll put hair on your chest).

24 thoughts on “We May or May Not Be Dirtbags | Depends on Who you Ask

  1. cherie

    Too Too Funny!!! Its a shame you can’t just pull up the carpeting the same way…or did you. She must have really been angry with all of you.

    Reply
    1. Jenny from the blog Post author

      I know, those cats are so vindictive. She can’t still be mad about the dog can she. I’m so used to blaming everything on the dog I feel it’s only appropriate that I find a way to blame the car peeing on him. Not that the cat peed on the dog, I meant the couch, just the blame should be on him. THough, it would be funny if the cat peed on him, but then we wouldn’t be able to sit on him anymore either! Never mind!

      Reply
  2. Bari

    Why didn’t you just tell the kid you’re living in the Beverly Hillbllly
    Mansion in Beverly Hills. He might have believed that too. Oh, geez,
    You shoulda told him you were Princess Lela and Mark was King Abdullah
    and Jake was the best Tennis star in the world and Ryan is a total
    pop icon….

    Reply
  3. Jenny

    You need a spot bot! My MIL got me one for Christmas and it’s the best thing ever! Pet stains, kid stains, husband spilling an entire cranberry and vodka on your cream sofa (hypothetical of course) all no match for the spot bot!

    Reply
    1. Jenny from the blog Post author

      Jenny – I will try the spot bot and if it doesn’t work I’m going to send you my sad sofa cushion in the mail so that you will be reminded of the horrible advice you gave me and also, you can smell cat urine whenever you think about giving more advice. If it works, I’ll be like, “thanks, but I was gonna try that anyway.”

      Reply
  4. Kelly

    Love it! My daughter’s friend was here the other day and our bunny peed on our couch … “Hurry up and clean it up so we don’t have to throw that cushion away,” I yelled. I didn’t know that actually happens thought. Who knew?

    Reply
    1. Jenny from the blog Post author

      Oh Kelly, it so sadly happens though I think maybe this is on you for getting a bunny, which are not known in any way shape or form for being house trainable. Though they are supposed to be good luck, well maybe that just if you cut off their feet, which really doesn’t seem lucky (especially if you’re a rabbit).

      Reply
    1. Jenny from the blog Post author

      I don’t suggest you peeing on it yourself Christene – because well, cat pee smells way worse than human pee. Oh, and also that would be really gross, plus it’d be so hard to explain to company. But if you don’t have a cat I guess you have no choice.

      Reply
  5. Heaton

    I think you should tell people that you were sitting on the couch one day and you felt something squirm inside of the couch cushions, and realized that a family of red pandas had moved in. But they’re endangered so the EPA came and seized your couch and now it’s at the San Diego Zoo in the Couch Section of their park.

    Reply
  6. Karen Baitch Rosenberg

    Had my cat on valium years ago for repeatedlly peeing on the carpet. (Don’t know why the vet prescribed it, but it worked great when I couldn’t sleep …) Turns out it wasn’t her ~ we had rotting sweet potatoes in the pantry, and the air conditioner was leaking for weeks. Never understood having animals in the house that can’t be housebroken. I like my furniture too much. Thanks again for the giggles!

    Reply
  7. GjonB

    Jenny, you are an enabler. I can now point to your blog and tell my wife, “See, It’s not just me!”

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge