15 Tools Moms Need For Survival AKA The Swiss Mommy Knife

swiss mommy knife

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Recently, on a road trip to Disney, I was rummaging through the contents of the arm rest compartment for some tissues when I realized the old maxi pad, that had somehow gotten stuck to the inside, would have to be peeled off to sub in for some Kleenex.  Plus it had wings, which would make for easy clean-up.

I looked at my mother and said, “We need to invent some kind of portable tool that has all the necessary mommy accoutrements to tackle any parenting task.”

Because we had been on the road a while and we were slap-happy and also listening to a Bratz movie… for the fourth time, we made a list of all the things said contraption would need.

So here are the results of our brainstorming session. I give you … the Swiss Mommy Knife:

1.  An extra arm – I can be walking with a phone to my ear, a latte, a purse, a laundry basket, and groceries resting on my hip … and one of my kids will still attempt to hand me an empty juice box. Clearly two arms just aren’t enough.

2. A sibling separator – No matter how much they need to be apart, they somehow magnetize back to each other and continue to argue slap, and tease. This device should be something with a little bite — like a bug zapper or a taser.

3.   An elevator backer-offer – I’m thinking some kind of stick-like poker that lets people know your kids will get to push the stupid buttons on the elevator.  Regardless of their age, that is somehow the most important thing they get to do all day … well, unless there’s an escalator around somewhere. Continue reading

Dreaded Parenting Explanation: Because I Said So That’s Why

because I said so, that's why

 

As a child, I too encountered the dreaded “Because I Said So.”  It was usually yelled in frustration or hissed between clenched teeth.  No matter what the method of delivery, it signified the end of the discussion.  I remember wondering, what exactly does that mean and why is that a remotely valid argument?  It was a parental trap; there was no way to fight it, and yet you felt unsatisfied in conceding.

 

Now, at 30 somethingish I know what it means.  It means you’re losing the battle with a child.  Yep, “Because I Said So” is the phrase used when you are being outsmarted or out-debated by an 8-year -old.  The truth is, sometimes their reasoning makes sense … a lot of sense.  Sometimes, I listen and think, okay, let’s do it your way.  But most of the time there’s a reason I’ve made a particular choice and I have to stick by it, well that or I’m just another stubborn adult standing on ceremony.

 

I never imagined that I would be losing arguments to 8-year-olds or even 5-year-olds, for that matter.  They’re smart little buggers, aren’t they? Want proof? I recently partook in this exchange: Continue reading