I’m switching teams!!! No I’m not talking about becoming a lesbian, though it would make a few of my readers who shall remain nameless, quite happy. I’m talking about the other “teams” inference known worldwide and perhaps more important than sexual preference. You guessed it, I’m now Team Jacob. What??? Did I just put that in writing? Any die hard Twilight fan over the age of 25 knows that choosing Jacob over Edward is shear blasphemy. In fact when anyone, prior to this, would speak such team Jacob nonsense I would question whether we were talking about the same subject. If in fact we were, I would write it off to my superior intellect, my innate understanding of mythical creatures or simply, their age.
Last week I saw Eclipse. Yes, I saw it with 200 giddy tween/teens that screamed, whistled and hooted every time a shirtless Taylor Lautner took the screen. Yes, I hooted with them. Frankly, I can’t see how Bella has any other choice. Jacob (movie Jacob) is funny, he’s silly, he’s shirtless, he’s tan, he has a pulse, he continually professes his undying love to her, he’ll keep the sheets warm at night… Edward on the other hand (movie Edward) that is, is so wan and whiny, he whispers nearly everything he says in a sulky Ross Geller kind of way, and is frankly in my opinion, a stalker. He sneaks in her room every night, watches her sleep with unwavering focus, takes wires out of her car so she can’t visit her guy friends and follows her every move. What was so seductive and engaging in the book seems like cause for a restraining order when you watch it in the movie.
When I read the books, I felt quite the opposite, questioning how Bella for even a second could have any feeling for anyone other than Edward. I recall tearing through New Moon in hopes of getting Edward back. I had already skipped forward to confirm that eventuality, so I knew it was a matter of time, but how much more of Jacob’s internal script could I put up with without throwing myself off that cliff with Bella? Now, listening to Edward blathering on about his love for Bella, how he must always do what’s best for her, how he must save her soul, reminded me of Kasey from the Bachelorette who kept droning on about how he would guard and protect Ali’s heart. Edward just needs a tattoo to prove it. PS Rob Pattinson is still welcome in my bed anytime. I’m just saying if Taylor shows up in the middle, I may have to kick him to the curb.