I’m Switching to Team Jacob -did I just put that in writing?

eclipse-poster1I’m switching teams!!! No I’m not talking about becoming a lesbian, though it would make a few of my readers who shall remain nameless, quite happy. I’m talking about the other “teams” inference known worldwide and perhaps more important than sexual preference. You guessed it, I’m now Team Jacob. What??? Did I just put that in writing? Any die hard Twilight fan over the age of 25 knows that choosing Jacob over Edward is shear blasphemy. In fact when anyone, prior to this, would speak such team Jacob nonsense I would question whether we were talking about the same subject. If in fact we were, I would write it off to my superior intellect, my innate understanding of mythical creatures or simply, their age.

Last week I saw Eclipse. Yes, I saw it with 200 giddy tween/teens that screamed, whistled and hooted every time a shirtless Taylor Lautner took the screen. Yes, I hooted with them. Frankly, I can’t see how Bella has any other choice. Jacob (movie Jacob) is funny, he’s silly, he’s shirtless, he’s tan, he has a pulse, he continually professes his undying love to her, he’ll keep the sheets warm at night… Edward on the other hand (movie Edward) that is, is so wan and whiny, he whispers nearly everything he says in a sulky Ross Geller kind of way, and is frankly in my opinion, a stalker. He sneaks in her room every night, watches her sleep with unwavering focus, takes wires out of her car so she can’t visit her guy friends and follows her every move. What was so seductive and engaging in the book seems like cause for a restraining order when you watch it in the movie.

When I read the books, I felt quite the opposite, questioning how Bella for even a second could have any feeling for anyone other than Edward. I recall tearing through New Moon in hopes of getting Edward back. I had already skipped forward to confirm that eventuality, so I knew it was a matter of time, but how much more of Jacob’s internal script could I put up with without throwing myself off that cliff with Bella? Now, listening to Edward blathering on about his love for Bella, how he must always do what’s best for her, how he must save her soul, reminded me of Kasey from the Bachelorette who kept droning on about how he would guard and protect Ali’s heart. Edward just needs a tattoo to prove it. PS Rob Pattinson is still welcome in my bed anytime. I’m just saying if Taylor shows up in the middle, I may have to kick him to the curb.

Related articles I’ve written:

Bella Swan Has Ruined Dating for our Daughters

The Secret Affair Of Moms:  Why Twilight is the antidote to the monotony of marriage.

12 thoughts on “I’m Switching to Team Jacob -did I just put that in writing?

  1. Tiffany

    I’m team Jacob because it just seems less complicated. And I’m a less complicated – let’s hit the sack kinda girl, ya know? So much going on and on about my soul, your soul, your friends always trying to kill me. . blah, blah, blah. Sure I have to take my boyfriend out for a walk every now and then, but at least when I sleep at night it would be with a 6 pack of abs. Plus, the electric bill for the heater would be reduced. I’m practical that way.

    Reply
    1. Jenny from the blog Post author

      I love how much thought we all put into which team to be on as if one will show up at my door asking, “well did you choose me? huh huh did ya?” Wait, that was last night’s dream.

      Reply
  2. JLT

    I agree with you. In the books I was totally Team Edward. In the movie, Team Jacob all the way…was wondering who else felt that way!!

    Reply
  3. Erik Deckers

    Doesn’t it strike you as the tiniest bit weird that you — someone who’s a few years within my age — is mooning over a couple of teenagers?

    This is akin to, but probably slightly less creepy, than me discussing whether Miley Cyrus or Amanda Cosgrove is hotter. (I know I shouldn’t know these names, but I have daughters who watch TV.)

    Reply
  4. cherie

    i’m neither,as I have never read the books and only seen one movie. But if I had to pick, i would probably be team Jacob, because, just like you, i like a warm body next to me. Good article as usualy.

    Reply
  5. Holly

    I am and will always be Team Edward!! I like the stalker, I would die for you, I watch you sleep, I will guard you from everything, I am jealous but really don’t want you to see that, kind of guy! I send my husband articles on “How to Be Like Edward Cullen” I love everything about his character! I love that he is cold because I am always so hot and I love that he lives forever, because the thought of dying and moving on to another life and not having my husband terrifies me! Like brings tears to my eyes at the thought of it!

    I love Edward Cullen and a lot of him reminds me of my own husband!

    Reply
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  8. Tiffany

    Wait – Jenny are you telling me that Edward and Jacob are not going to come by the house to ask me whose team I’m on???? That’s just mean! Also, I’d wish they stop showing the Shark Boy and Lava Girl movie on tv – it’s a bit uncomfortable seeing Taylor at 12.
    And Eric – Team Amanda, duh!

    Reply
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