30 Phrases Parents Don’t Want to Hear – But Probably Will …

30 Statements Parents Dread funny things kids say, mom humor, parenting, kidismsAs a parent, you know there are certain words and phrases you can’t wait to hear. Ones that will fill your heart with total joy — like the first utterance of “Mama” or “Dada” — so sweet, so loving, so innocent and you’re pretty sure everything they say from then on will be total perfection.

And thennnnnn they learn the word “NO” and your like, “fuck they talk back?” Then they add a foot stamp or a fall-to-the-floor tantrum maneuver and it hits you, they’re all bound to say and do this stuff — along with a slew of other stuff — and you’re screwed.

Yep there’s a whole list of words and phrases that you will absolutely dread hearing. You don’t even know you dread most of them yet, because you rarely give it any thought. So, being the neurotic over-thinker that I am, I thought about them for you. You’re welcome.

Here you go (in quasi-alphabetical order)…

No!
I drew you a picture … on my wall/your sofa/the cat.
My fish is resting on its back.
Look, I gave myself a haircut.
Your kisses don’t really make it better.
You’re not the boss of me.
I wish (insert name of mom who let’s her kids do anything your kids can’t do) was my mommy.
I wanna sleep in your room … again.
There’s no such thing as the Tooth Fairy, Santa … The Easter Bunny.
Mom, I can read bedtime stories myself now.
The nurse said I have lice.
You don’t have to tuck me in/snuggle/hold my hand anymore.
So and so said we could have one of their (hamster/guinea pig/gerbil insert rodent here)’s babies.
Drop me off here, so no one sees you.
Mom stop, you’re embarrassing me.
No one likes me.
You’ll never guess what movie so and so’s mom let us see.
You wouldn’t understand.
Everyone else is allowed to.
I’m too old to dress up for Halloween.
I think I just got my period.
Please knock from now on.
Things were different when you were a kid (bonus if they say, “in your day”)
It’s time to go for my driving test.
Meet my boyfriend/girlfriend.
I think I’m ready for contraception?
I hate you. *Slams door*
See you for Thanksgiving break.
I got a tattoo, an ear-hole stretchy thing, my tongue/belly button/lip/nipple or eyebrow pierced.
The last of my things are all packed up.

A couple of those made me kinda teary, like the last scene in Toy Story 2. I’m just hoping I’ll know how to deal with them when they happen.

Spill – What have you heard or do you dread hearing from the babes?

12 thoughts on “30 Phrases Parents Don’t Want to Hear – But Probably Will …

  1. Carrie

    I definitely heard the “haircut” phrase; it’s why my daughter now has bangs. And while I know I’ll hear the rest someday soon, I am going to live in denial and pretend I am going to somehow be the parent who skips the “I hate you” phase.
    Carrie recently posted…Putting the “Fun” in FuneralsMy Profile

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  2. Heidi BK Sloss

    How about:
    I’ve been expelled from my dorm. Or been written up with a MIP (minor in possession of alcohol).
    Or I’m so drunk, I’m afraid I have alcohol poisoning. (Which, by the way, they don’t if they can say that!)
    My girl friend is pregnant.
    Come quick, I’m okay but I’ve wedged the car while parking and can’t move it in either direction.

    (Un)fortunately I, or dear friends, heard some version of these while our kids were teens. Kids, you just to love them!

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  3. Brenda

    My son told me as I was trying to hold his hand as we walked across the grocery store parking lot; “Don’t hold my hand…It’s creepy.” I think he was about 7. He’s 14 now and my oldest is 16, so I’ve heard many of these.

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  4. Connie Lissner

    I’m dreading the “the last of my things are all packed up” line which will be coming in a couple of months. I never thought I would hear “the cops are here,” but my son texted me that line from a party a few months ago. Words you really don’t want to hear.
    Connie Lissner recently posted…A Different AngleMy Profile

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  5. Liz

    My daughter is still small so I’ve got a ways to go yet before I hear some of these. For all my complaining when her snuggling hurts I know it will hurt more when she doesn’t want to do it anymore and says, “Mom, get off, you’re smushing me.” On a lighter note, this list reminds me of that song “Hello, Dad, I’m in Jail!” Hope I don’t ever hear that one, the “mom” version.
    Liz recently posted…Zoe vs. the Alarm ClockMy Profile

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  6. Rorybore

    Whenever I hear something like “get out of my butt” I cringe and then quite honestly; I’m a bit scared to go check. Because …why? why? why would they be someone’s butt.
    and I really don’t appreciate the “mom, are you having another baby” ones either.
    Back in your lane kid.
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