I live in a house of extremely competitive people. We have family races to bed and guitar hero rock-offs complete with behind the head Hendrix style antics. My son at 5 was using phrases like, “I’m gonna crush you” and “you just got schooled.”
The latest thing in my house is family superlatives. You know like, “Most likely to make their bed” or “Best looking in a Barbie wig,” (thankfully my daughter won that one). My son is doling out the titles and my little girl wants in on the good ones. Each day she asks me to think of things she can be the best at, because Jake already has throwing, catching, guitar hero, whistling, streaking and tying his shoes.
So, I gave her “Noise Making” and “Underwear Putting On.” Listen, this has been going on for a week or two, we’re well past “Most Spirited,” and “Best Smile” I’m running out of accolades… I’ve even managed to assign “Biggest Flirt.”
Last night at dinner, while giving themselves some big ones like “Artistic Ability,” “Most likely to be President,” and “Best Imagination,” I hear, “Hey Mommy do you know what you’re the best at?”
Finally, I’m in. “What?” I replied excitedly. “Is it best dressed?”
Pause, small snicker… “Nope.”
No pause, big snicker as if to say ‘As if’… “Nuh-uh”
“Singing, accents…laundry?” at this point I’ll take anything.
Anything but that.
Jake: No Daddy wins “Best Farter.”
Ryan: No Mommy doe s.
Am I really listening to this debate?
Jake: Yeah you’re right, Mommy’s are super stinky.
Thanks a lot, first born… what if I crumbled that fast while in labor with you for 17 hours????
Ryan: But at least Mommy rolls down the window.
It’s true, I’m nothing if not a courteous farter… Maybe we could turn this into “Most Thoughtful,” hmmm?
Mark: Mommy’s good, but I think I’m better.
Me: Now hold on just one second. I said we’re competitive right? I think the kids may be right babe, I am the best farter. Look, you take what you can get.
It’s so funny, because when I first met my hubby we were void of any disgusting, smelly, or loud bodily function; holding such ugliness in to the point of stomach aches. If someone told me that one day we would be fighting over the title of “Best Farter,” which was to be bestowed upon us by our 2 kids, I would have thought that ridiculous. Now I’d just fart and walk away.
If you know any Mommies that need to read this story… I know a few myself, feel free to share it. Much love to all the Moms; we’re still sexy we just may not always smell that way.
– JENNY FROM THE BLOG
Any titles your kids would bestow upon you… much to your dismay?
By day I’m a lifestyle expert, by night I enter farting contests- just kidding – I do this blog. It’s gaining steam, so if you like it please take a sec to share it and check out the right side for RSS, bookmark, email, and newsletter sign-ups. Sooo appreciated, if I can grow this thing I can stop being so smelly, I mean, oh forget it. JUST SIGN UP!
-Jenny From the Blog