According to the barrista at my Starbucks, I’m an awesome wife. No, I’m not putting out for lattes like I once threatened to do and I’m certainly not ironing clothes for the lady who swipes my card –or even my husband for that matter. I simply showed up at 7:45 AM to buy my husband his coffee on Father’s Day. The staff at my Starbucks were taking bets on how many of their regular customer’s wives would show up for a Father’s Day coffee run. The results: 2. Yep, 2 wives, myself included. They cheered when I entered, “Jenny, I knew I could count on you,” the manager said. I thought I’d won a prize, maybe a frappe “my way?” It seems I deserved one; when I walked in to get my coffee the next morning they were still talking about it. They were talking about how shocked they were that on Mother’s Day they saw all the dads with the kids, letting moms sleep in and on Father’s Day the husbands still got the coffee. I guess the men are the “weekend coffee getters” in our society. Sure, they used to be hunters and gatherers, protectors, and providers, but now apparently getting coffee is as manly a task as we can bestow on our husbands. As I left, the girl at the register said, “Wow, you must really love your husband.” This comment got me thinking. Really? An actual “wow” was required? Is that all it takes these days to show the love and devotion to the man that fathered your kids?
Remember the old days when being a good wife required you to have piping hot dinner ready when the hubs arrived home after a hard day’s work? You would put his slippers by the sofa and stuff a pipe in his mouth so he could relax and watch the evening news as you hushed and distracted the kids from disturbing dear old Dad. No, of course you don’t because our generation only saw that kind of obedience in shows that were aired in black and white. How about the definition that involves cooking, cleaning, caring for the kids, going over homework, and in many cases working as well? I certainly know many of those wives, but how many wives are like me; ones who do it all and rudely let their husbands fend for themselves? They always say to put your husband first, but that’s rarely the case. Look, I barely have enough time for me; I have to find time for him too?
I’ve accepted this stage of our marriage and hopefully – for longevities sake, he has too. Let’s call it the “Selfish Stage” or even the “Indifferent Stage.” I have a ton to do: between working, raising awesome, funny, talented, considerate children, taking care of a house and pets… The list goes on, but the end result relays this message “See you when the kids are off to college.” Of course, that’s if you haven’t annoyed the crap out of me along the way and if I can see anything through the tears of my inevitable empty nest syndrome. But yesterday for one shining moment, I was the good wife. Maybe I’ve misjudged my competition. Maybe they too are indifferent. Maybe their husbands’ forget the trash and leave all the lights on and make them repeat the same nagging reminders over and over again. They must really suck ‘cuz they didn’t even get their husbands’ coffee. I’m hoping that the barristas are right: that sometimes it’s the small gestures that keep modern marriages afloat. If not, I may be in trouble.
What do you think? Do husbands take a backseat in modern marriage?
Your Worst Parenting Moment. Spill, you’ll feel better