Umm, just tell me you saw it too. Oh, and that you had similar eye-opening epiphanies…
On my way to see the Magic Mike with my besties, all I could think was, Are we the only ones rushing out to see this peep show… and how hard up does this make us?
Hard up enough to go on opening night and see it with a theater full of gawking teenagers. Wait, did I say teenagers? Because I meant 30-50 year olds. Who are most likely just as hard up as I am! Phew, It seems we’re not alone. Yep, the same women, who tore through the 50 Shades saga only to experience the same bout of mild depression that I did, were there whoopin’ it up to a slightly wrinkly, over-tanned Matthew Mcchonaughey, who was more comedy than eroticism, but still, “all right, all right, all right,” and a perfect specimen of well, everything, Channing Tatum.
We were all in the same boat. Going through some kind of mini midlife crisis that causes you to ogle firm pecs, wonder how long it’s been since you had or could get a man like that, and why your husband doesn’t remotely resemble these book characters, movie stars, male review dancers. Oh, how we women suffer. And on that night we all stared at these gorgeous, oiled up, hard bodied men and we suffered together, in silence.
Did I say silence, because I was shocked to find that many of the suffering ladies in my theater actually yelled at the screen as if we were at the club.
They can’t hear you, I thought, as the one directly to my left started clapping rhythmically during a striptease scene. After woohoo-ing, oh yeah-ing, and bow chica wow wow-ing numerous times, I turned to her to give her the “shush” eye, only to find she had a dollar bill between her teeth.
Which I took, “I’m gonna use this as a tip for my cocktails. There is a two drink minimum, right?”
When I arrived home, my hubby asked if the flick was good, but I know what he really meant: “Was it good enough to translate into a fun night for me?” Which made me realize that I may be hard up, but you guys are SHAMELESS!
Could you imagine if women were hoping their men would enjoy some good ol’ porn or go to a strip club on a guys night out, simply so that they would come home hot and bothered enough to want us?
Frankly, we hate even the thought of our men lusting for another women, let alone taking that misplaced amorousness out on us. Yet every hubby who babysat during girls night out was hoping for some return on his investment.
We’re wayyyy more evolved than that, you sick sick perverted males. We simply want to read about and stare at men a couple years (or decades) younger, who are barely dressed, writhing around, humping shiny floors, and taking on submissives. We are suffering can’t you see that!
Well, shamelessness may work sometimes, but unfortunately for many of our hubby’s, this movie had the opposite effect. While they were all, I’m gonna get some? We were all, When was the last time YOU had abs? Did you really go out for wings tonight? Thank G-d you don’t own assless pants.
Though I must admit, I’ve been thankful for that on more than one occasion.
PS Honey- I love you — even in your assless pants
Here are some Magic Mike Ecards for your enjoyment.