Magic Mike Makes me Realize I’m Hard Up and My Hubby is Shameless

Umm, just tell me you saw it too. Oh, and that you had similar eye-opening epiphanies…

On my way to see the Magic Mike with my besties, all I could think was,  Are we the only ones rushing out to see this peep show… and how hard up does this make us?

Hard up enough to go on opening night and see it with a theater full of gawking teenagers.  Wait, did I say teenagers?  Because I meant 30-50 year olds.  Who are most likely just as hard up as I am!  Phew, It seems we’re not alone.  Yep, the same women, who tore through the 50 Shades saga only to experience the same bout of mild depression that I did,  were there whoopin’ it up to a slightly wrinkly, over-tanned Matthew Mcchonaughey, who was more comedy than eroticism, but still, “all right, all right, all right,” and a perfect specimen of well, everything, Channing Tatum.

We were all in the same boat.  Going through some kind of mini midlife crisis that causes you to ogle firm pecs, wonder how long it’s been since you had or could get a man like that, and why your husband doesn’t remotely resemble these book characters, movie stars, male review dancers. Oh, how we women suffer.  And on that night we all stared at these gorgeous, oiled up, hard bodied men and we suffered together, in silence.

Let’s all have a moment of silent suffering right now. Rough huh?

Did I say silence, because I was shocked to find that many of the suffering ladies in my theater actually yelled at the screen as if we were at the club.

They can’t hear you, I thought, as the one directly to my left started clapping rhythmically during a striptease scene.  After woohoo-ing, oh yeah-ing, and bow chica wow wow-ing numerous times, I turned to her to give her the “shush” eye, only to find she had a dollar bill between her teeth.

Which I took, “I’m gonna use this as a tip for my cocktails. There is a two drink minimum, right?”

When I arrived home, my hubby asked if the flick was good, but I know what he really meant:  “Was it good enough to translate into a fun night for me?”  Which made me realize that I may be hard up, but you guys are SHAMELESS!

Could you imagine if women were hoping their men would enjoy some good ol’ porn or go to a strip club on a guys night out, simply so that they would come home hot and bothered enough to want us?

Frankly, we hate even the thought of our men lusting for another women, let alone taking that misplaced amorousness out on us.  Yet every hubby who babysat during girls night out was hoping for some return on his investment.

We’re wayyyy more evolved than that, you sick sick perverted males.  We simply want to read about and stare at men a couple years (or decades) younger, who are barely dressed, writhing around, humping shiny floors, and taking on submissives.  We are suffering can’t you see that!

Whatever.

Well, shamelessness may work sometimes, but unfortunately for many of our hubby’s, this movie had the opposite effect.  While they were all,  I’m gonna get some?  We were all, When was the last time YOU had abs?  Did you really go out for wings tonight?  Thank G-d you don’t own assless pants.

Though I must admit, I’ve been thankful for that on more than one occasion.

PS Honey- I love you — even in your assless pants

Here are some Magic Mike Ecards for your enjoyment.

23 thoughts on “Magic Mike Makes me Realize I’m Hard Up and My Hubby is Shameless

  1. cherie

    Very funny!!! I can’t wait to go and see, but with whom…I guess, I’ll have to wait until it gets to directv. Unless you want to see it again. Won’t be the first time…

    Reply
  2. Alison

    I have finally succumbed to reading the 50 shades saga—and I truly am disappointed. These books are something that any woman, if she so desired, could get from her man, in some form, if she spoke up. I do get the idea of seeing Channing on the big screen all oiled and in his glory, but I guess I too think like most men because I would have come home and ripped my husband’s clothes off. He always reaps the benefits of these torrid stories in any genre. I guess I am a man dressed in women’s clothing cause the way I see it, it doesn’t matter how we get there as long as the ones we love are enjoying the after effects then it is all good…and usually hot and ravaging!

    Reply
    1. Jenny from the blog Post author

      It’s not WHAT he does, Al, it’s his personality looks, moolah, demeanor etc. duh? Look, stop flaunting your happy marriage and hot sex life in our faces. How are we supposed to commiserate with little Mary Sunshine. Now, go home and find something annoying about your husband, stat. I’m beginning to worry about you!

      Reply
    1. Jenny from the blog Post author

      You need to have a talk with Allison and set her straight! PS, don’t give up, never give up. You know they can see right through the screen and if you hoot and holler enough a young hottie will show up at your door. Seriously, try it and tell me how it goes.

      Reply
  3. Melissa

    How sad is this: I got a migraine from the movie! Either the way I was sitting, the rum punch or the loudness of the movie (you couldn’t hear any yelling in our theater, the movie was so loud- but I know it was there). I came home and went straight to bed, just like any regular Saturday night, lol! Oh well see hot bods sure numbed my head during the movie!

    Reply
  4. Pingback: Magic Mike Ecards Because Who Doesn’t Like Mommy Porn | The Suburban Jungle

    1. Jenny from the blog Post author

      I think that was the bulk of the story! The deepest plot line had to do with an aging stripper debating how to go forward with his life so that he could live out his dream to make hubcap furniture (or something like that). Eh, I guess I’m not really sure either.

      Reply
  5. Jenny

    Funny story: I too saw magic mike (on a Monday night to a full theatre of 30-50 year old women) I proceeded to go home and tweet Channing tatums wife about what a lucky woman she is. The next morning I tagged my girlfriends in a fb post about how I can’t stop thinking about Channing tatums abs and get the following txt MSG from my husband (who is not on fb) “I’m hearing that I need to watch out for some chatum tanning guy and that I need to do more an work” – welcome to my life!

    Reply

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