Little Things that Make me Wanna to Convert

starbucks hot

Understand, these are like the size of your thumb! Awwwww.

So, the to-go cup ornaments at Starbucks are really challenging my faith.  I may just have to convert. 

I mean have you seen them?

They’re like tiny hot and cold drinks with straws and mini logos. So cute I just want to pinch them and make tiny lattes to drink out of them. 

The truth is everything is better when miniaturized. That’s why they make mini versions of things in the first place. Does anyone remember those mini soda cans you could get out of candy machines? Or those cute little mini x-mas trees with mini ornaments? How about those Russian stacking dolls? You know the smallest was always your favorite.

As small a a can, but you shouldn't crush it on your head.

And miniature dogs,


I mean people will pay a fortune to have a dog that has been bred with 10 other smaller dogs. The smaller the place you can fit your dog, the better. Screw the Teacup. I want a Shot-glass. Yeah, I want a Shot-glass Yorkshire terrier. You know, one that’s the offspring of a Yorkie a poodle and a spec of dust. I’ll call it a YorkiedoodleDandy, the doodle is so it doesn’t shed. It would only have a minimal amount of hair (due to it’s teeny tiny size,) but I so hate to be off trend.

I digress, my point is: You damn marketers of miniature things have really got me this time. Yeah, as a child I spent year after year decorating other people’s trees, driving to see houses lit up with Santa being pulled by his 5 glorious reindeer. I know there are 9, I’m Jewish, not stupid. Rick Barns could only fit 5 on his lawn, hello?

Anywho, I’ve seethed with jealously at the kids who got to run down their wrought iron staircases into their highly polished mahogany floored living rooms on X-mas morn and open tons of presents under their 12 foot trees while wearing footy pajamas and sipping hot cocoa.

Oh, I know how it works.  At least one of the boxes would bark and with your new puppies in tow, you would move on to empty stockings filled with small things like Nanos, and netbooks.


That’s how I picture it.

Sure, there have been times when I was green with envy, but I never, until today, thought of converting.

starbucks cold

Look at that cute itsy bitsy straw!!!

We as a people survived thousands of years of slavery and persecution, but I fear this mini to-go cup may be the end of us. To the tribe I say, “Stay strong, stay strong.” They’ve tried to break us before, but we will not let this insanely cute miniature ornament be our demise.”  Unless they start serving mini coffee drinks in it, then it’s every Jew for themselves.

Please note:  No Lattes were harmed in the writing of this article, however, one was emptied.

Hey- if you haven’t checked out yesterday’s post Can’t a Nice Jewish Girl Sit on Santa’s Lap without Being a HO HO HO? you really should.

Happy Holidays.




23 thoughts on “Little Things that Make me Wanna to Convert

  1. Luc Brooks

    Jesus is the reason for the season. Christmas trees and pretty lights are just a small part of Christmas. Get yourself a rosemary bush at the store and you can decorate it with your Starbuck’s ribbons.

  2. Shannon

    Hey Jenny, I’d love to vote for you but I don’t know which link you’re talking about. Can you give us a little more info?

  3. cherie

    Very funny. You forgot the train set that wound around the tree and through the house to each room. That’s how I always pictured it…with Cary Grant holding the controls. Oh, dreams…they’re great.

  4. lori Stefanac

    I agree with you! Hard to keep the faith when all of the Christmas stuff is so damn tantalizing. Ummm, the swearing isn’t very Christian is it? Yeah, I’m not cut out for it. Anyway, I torture my kids by telling them that Santa is bringing all the Christian kids tons of toys and games but DON’T WORRY, I’m sure Hanukkah Harry will bring you some nice slacks and socks! (Dayenu!) They have so many years of therapy ahead of them.

  5. Cristie

    Ok, Really starting to think that you should be here x-mas morning. With the wrapping paper being torn off, rolled into a ball like forms and whizzing all over the house! Not sure my kids even know what they unwrap… may be all about the “get”….. This year I may wrap up rocks, sticks and toys they already have (from years past that they still have not opened, and certainly don’t remember that they have) and see if they notice! :).
    Great writing! hummmmm… now I want a Starbucks….

  6. Barry

    I read your article, thought about all the cool Christian ornaments etc, etc. I called my Rabbi for some advise. He said ” Forget about it ” in his normal Italian accent.

  7. Karen Baitch Rosenberg

    Another post doomed to be a classic! Jenny, I hope you’re keeping all of these posts for a coffee (um, latte?) table book ~ buy the damn ornament and hang it from your rear-view mirror. Or use it as a cell phone charm. Starbucks could care less how you use it. That’s what I want to do every time I see a pair of cute baby shoes. Have you seen the mini Uggs? Fetus size – no joke. Luc, I would not be offended if you wanted to light blue candles. The more the merrier!

  8. Jack

    I can’t wait for the holiday season to be over and done with. Tired of all the chaos and kvetching about gifts. Fortunately Chanukah will soon be here and my kids will stop going nuts with excitement.

  9. insanitykim

    Hahahaha oh man, I loved this, especially because I happen to own a 3 lb dog because they are better small…in fact I just mentioned how his body hair is equivalent to the size of eyelashes…

    This really made me laugh…great rant!

  10. rachy

    so, as someone with a name that could pass for Jewish (Rachel Burckardt), but brought up by my Irish Catholic mom, i think i may be in both camps here in considering the temptation of conversion. in fact, with the overcomercialism of Christmas, i’m tempted to consider becoming Jewish.

    so, first let me say that i don’t believe in coffee. (nothing religious, i just always hated the smell and taste of coffee. yes, i know i’m weird!!) since it’s against my beliefs to enter starbucks, i’m not tempted by these cute little eye-catching ornaments!

    as a side thought about the season, i always find it ironic that one of the most famous Jewish persons of all millennia has a birthday, but his own people are left out of the celebration.

    also, as a Christian believer, i actually like what nancy said. so many of the “trappings” of Christianity (those things that were likely added decades later by his followers) can be found in other cultural ideas of the times. but knowing that does not diminish my faith, which has nothing to do with the “trappings” and folklore of Christianity (or especially the overmaterialism of this feast in December which really should be in September when he was actually born).

    leaving all that seriousness behind, i really enjoyed the post. and i would also enjoy looking at and playing with those tiny, cute little eye-catching ornaments. but they’re not enough of an attraction to convert me into a coffee drinker!

  11. Barbara E.

    I have a set of 5 cat ornaments which look exactly like 5 of my past and present feline companions. They hang from thumbtacks on my kitchen bulletin board, and I enjoy looking at them year round.

    I like the seasonal trappings as much as you do, Jenny, but I’m glad to be an observer, rather than a participant. It’s more than enough for me to present one Seder a year. Christmas would drive me to madness, if for no other reason than the havoc my cats would wreak on the tree.

  12. Lacy

    I may just have to decorate my entire tree with these cups and send you a pic, just to make you super jealous. you know it may be the final straw.

  13. Pingback: Can A Nice Jewish Girl Sit On Santa's Lap Without Being A Ho Ho Ho? | The Suburban Jungle

  14. alfred lives here

    I love those little ornaments!

    rather than convert, do what I did… I am a nice Jewish boy who married a nice goyim boy… we celebrate everything, even tossing in a couple of Pride celebrations!

  15. lisa

    What is that terrifying creature next to the coke can in the picture? I am afraid it will attack me in my sleep…I don’t care how small it is…


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