We Used to Play Family Now it’s ‘Modern Family’

In last week’s post, I Can’t Come to Terms with my Quasi-Teenage 1st Grader , I realized that my child is not the only child who’s 7 going on 17.  I have to believe that the fact that my daughter and I are having these teenage sounding conversations during bouts of playing make-believe is a sign that she’s still a kid, phew.  Though, I have to ask, when her favorite scenario is one where I’m Jay and she’s Gloria, is it a sign that her innocence is a distant memory?

For those of you living under a rock, that was a Modern Family reference.  My 7 year old has Sofia Vergara’s walk, talk, attitude, and ditsy miscommunication down to a science.   Of course, she expects me to play the reluctantly accommodating husband to her fanciful whims.

Other favorites scenarios include:

1.  She is Gloria and I am Manny.

2.  She is – insert girl name here, but assume it’s a name of some young chippie from the formulaic star making machines that are Disney or Nickelodeon and that within a few years said young chippie will be posing inappropriately in Vanity Fair or Playboy.  Names may include: ie. Carly, Victoria, China, Rocky ect. –

Who will show boobies first?

I am to play the roles of the two cutest boys in school.  Both are hopelessly in love with her and stammering while trying to get out the simplest of statements.  (This by the way, is by her request that I stutter and throw in a sprinkling of “ums, uhs, I ums, wha’s, and duhs.”)  She also asks that I sometimes faint at the sight of her and explains that if my characters were in a cartoon they would have hearts instead of eyeballs.

They (both me) are then required to fight over her in some manner and she has to choose who she will be with and whose life she will ruin, or she tells them both that she is moving to New York, knowing that with each passing day they will slowly die inside.

3.  She is, insert name of the week here, and I’m a mousy girl who is amazed by her fashion sense, talents, smarts, athleticism, and humility. I simply want to be like her or be friends with her.  She is so kind and tells me why I should like being me, then she even offers to set me up with a boy that I like, who is unfortunately already pining over her.  This makes my date all kinds of awkward, and not just because I’m playing both parts, but because I have a one night stand and then I have to face me in the morning.

Relax- I just wanted to see if you were paying attention.  I totally added the last part.   Though my daughter actually did come up with a scenario last week in which she informed that she would be a girl in high school and therefore pregnant.

We hit the pause button on the game for just a bit that day.

Moving on…

4.  I am a deprived British girl who lives in a hovel and signs up for a contest to live with my favorite movie star, who just so happens to be her character.  Though I have a computer, I can’t afford a cell phone or email, which makes alerting me that I’ve won the contest a task in itself.  Then when I get to live with said movie star (Yesterday, J. Lo) I do something rude or perhaps I faint too many times and find my prize taken away by my overbearing mother, who is also played by me.

5.  I’m a street urchin who has never known a family or what it’s like to eat anything but paper.  She is a beautiful, compassionate girl who takes me in and allows me to stay with her, much to the dismay of her evil sister, Delilah (also me) who likes to verbally abuse street urchins and physically abuse family pets and then release them into the wild.

6.  She is a mermaid who I find living in my lake.  She agrees to come live with me until my father (also me) insists that there is no such thing as mermaids and proclaims her tail to be nothing more than an elaborate costume.  She then refuses to live with me because my father cannot come to terms with the abomination of nature that she is, or something like that.

To contrast the maturity in the content of these scenarios we can often play them out as Barbies, My Little Ponies, Groovy Girls, Polly Pockets, La La Loopsies, Webkinz, or any inanimate object that can be tilted as if talking.  Yes, fingers, straws, and pencils are feasible candidates.

In fact, if you happen to be in a Grand Lux and overhear a mother telling her child about the stigma of teenage pregnancy using Wikki Stix, you might as well assume it’s me.

You don't get to go to parties when there's a baby at home.

10 thoughts on “We Used to Play Family Now it’s ‘Modern Family’

  1. weezafish

    So funny, love the hearts for eyes. I have two boys so my roles are more likely to be “Policeman”, “Bad Boy”, “Mother of Hero” (they’re always the hero) or my personal fav, “Evil Robot”.

    1. Jenny from the blog Post author

      I like evil robot. We have went down that road, truly we have. Oh, the heart eyes. It makes me think of pepe le pew. Of course, she doesn’t know of pepe le pew and if she did she would probably find it all too slow paced and void of singing dancing starlets that will soon be caught on tape smoking or snorting something or other!

    1. Jenny from the blog Post author

      I don’t know if I were as creative… but I sure get an imaginary workout with her. Wait, I think that came out wrong. My workout is real, it’s just on my imagination. Well, it’s not a real work out per se. Oh, forget it!

  2. Bari

    This post was adorable. Mommy and daughter are both so amazingly creative. Writing and acting are right up your alleys! I can’t wait to hear Ryan’s Sophia Vergara accent.

    1. Jenny from the blog Post author

      Thanks Bar. she’s shockingly good and I have to admit of all the scenarios she’s thought up I was shocked when she threw this one on the table and started screaming “Yay Yay, What should we do about Maaannny?”

    1. Jenny from the blog Post author

      Good to know. I have to admit I didn’t expect that correlation from my 7 year old. She’s like, I want to get it out of the way… I may need to buy her a chastity belt. DO they still make those? If not, I’ll have to make sure she’s gets really bad hair cuts during her teen years.

  3. Mommy55

    I think you are very funny, but I am really saddened by your daughter’s play. I have a six year old and have researched several issues surrounding young girls – particularly their insanely early and inappropriate sexualization of girls. Please read “Cinderella Ate My Daughter” and any of her follow-up work … It seems innocent now, but when girls think that their value is in their looks – and how much they look like Sofia Vergara – they dismiss other aspects of themselves (like I’m great at math) and lose self-esteem … Off my soap-box…


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