You know the sites: Hautelook, Gilt, Zulily, Ideeli, Rue La La? There’s addiction in my family, so was no surprise that I would fall prey to the gene. For years my father feared that I would pick up some bad habit or other: pour the sauce, pop the pills, ride the cocaine train, squeeze the juice (okay I made most of that up. I’m not privy to the colloquialisms of drug users, but it sounded good right? Maybe I could get the last one to catch on with steroid users. “Brad looks so buff all of a sudden.” “Oh, didn’t you know, he totally squeezes the juice.” Okay, I digress.
With my background in personal shopping and general love of fashion, which is only surpassed by my love of a good deal, Flash Sales is the obvious outlet for this addictive tendency that has been dormant for decades. It goes like this: First you get a notice, Vince up to 90% off today at (insert site here), then you must be on that site at the exact time the sale goes off. Yes, you may be on a business call or the toilet, but there are no excuses, BETTER SHOPPERS REVEL IN YOUR EXCUSES! Next you must immediately find your “must have” item before someone else puts it in their cart. There’s no time to waste, to debate, or to dely. Thinking things like, “Do I really need this?” “Don’t I already have a pair of black knee high stiletto boots?” or “Can I afford this?” will only lose you your prize, I mean your win, I mean your “must have” item. Nay, you must act fast and forget about making a smart buying decision or whether you’ll have buyer’s remorse after the sale. That kind of civilian thinking is for pussies not fashion soldiers like us.
Moving on, once you get a must have or at the very least your second or third choice (if your must have has been taken from you by a better shopper) you need to purchase it ASAP. Better to have one item in hand than a bunch in your cart. Look people, there’s a time limit that an item can wait, someone will steel that item out of your cart whilst you debate. (Repeat that last line as a rhyme and commit it to memory as your new mantra)
Okay, once you’ve punched in those digits and your expiration date you are the winner, I mean the buyer… of… something. Though you may not remember what exactly, until it arrives at your door. But no matter because you WON! You got that watchamacallit that tens of 1000s across the world wanted for 70% off! You know what that means? It means you’re savvy, smart, and fashionable. Now, with the 70% you saved you can log on to the next site and you have money to spend. Ooops, gotta go, Kotur is on sale at Gilt. What’s Kotur? I don’t know, but at 75%, I bet it’s awesome!