In light of the recent findings that say women must workout 1 hour per day, I’ve decided to revamp my workout schedule. First on the list… Leave the Athletic Club, which I have not used in a year…then use the money I’m saving to buy bigger clothes.
Today, I spent my hour of workout time canceling my gym membership. As everyone knows, canceling is an admission of shear laziness. But, I’ve convinced myself that I’m just too darn busy to workout. Too busy trying to start a career as a writer, too busy being the perfect role model and playmate for my kids, too busy training my puppy not to eat people’s limbs when they visit my abode. Ironically, I’m also too busy eating BBQ potato chips, too busy sitting on the phone, too busy having a 2hr morning coffee with a friend, and too busy playing word twist on FB with people that I probably wouldn’t recognize in a line up.
In preparation for today’s cancellation, I actually put on workout gear… I don’t quite know why. Maybe, I wanted to feel like I’ll still be fit, even without a membership to a gym. Maybe I had something to prove to the staff, like “See I don’t need your stinkin’ gym, I have my own gym, LIFE. That’s right I belong to the gym of Life and not only is it free, it pays me back in dividends.” Okay, I’ll sell that one somewhere else.
For 9 months, I have debated this very decision. Like somehow merely having a gym accessible would be enough to keep me in shape. I’m sure the second I leave, I’ll want it back, like in High School when you find out the boy who pined for you has moved on. I’m also certain that if I leave, they’ll never honor my expired gift certificate for a massage and a facial. So to save the $200 bucks on the spa certificate I’ve spent $1100 staying at the gym. Let’s just say math is not my subject.
I went down to the spa to make sure they would honor my gift card. They had to call down manager after manager and finally ended with a woman named Sharon. She thought I was insane for trying to redeem a 2 year old gift. “Are you a member,” Sharon inquired. “Of course,” I replied as technically I still was. After explaining to Sharon, that I love the club and so desperately need the massage and facial, she reluctantly honored my gift certificate.
I then took myself upstairs to quit that place, once and for all. First, I was seen by the smile committee… Test One: See What you Could be. A beautiful and very fit woman walked in. “I’m just here till the manager arrives.” As if I am not capable of waiting alone. “So, why don’t you like us anymore?” Test Two: Ability to Withstand Guilt. “It’s not that I don’t like you, I don’t even know you” though your skinny thighs are pissing me off. “I just don’t use your gym anymore.” “Well, you must be doing something right, you’re in fabulous shape.” She replied… Test Three: Kill em With Kindness I do kegals while sitting in front of my computer, I guess they’re paying off.” “Well, it’s a shame you hate it here so much. Oh, here’s the manager now, Jenny have you met Sharon?”
“Ummmm, Uh huh.”