Why is it so Hard to Cancel a Gym Membership

do we need the gym Why is it so hard to cancel a gym membership when it’s so easy not to use it?

In light of the recent findings that say women must workout 1 hour per day, I’ve decided to revamp my workout schedule.  First on the list… Leave the Athletic Club, which I have not used in a year…then use the money I’m saving to buy bigger clothes.

Today, I spent my hour of workout time canceling my gym membership.  As everyone knows, canceling is an admission of shear laziness.  But, I’ve convinced myself that I’m just too darn busy to workout.  Too busy trying to start a career as a writer, too busy being the perfect role model and playmate for my kids, too busy training my puppy not to eat people’s limbs when they visit my abode.  Ironically, I’m also too busy eating BBQ potato chips, too busy sitting on the phone, too busy having a 2hr morning coffee with a friend, and too busy playing word twist on FB with people that I probably wouldn’t recognize in a line up.

In preparation for today’s cancellation, I actually put on workout gear… I don’t quite know why.  Maybe, I wanted to feel like I’ll still be fit, even without a membership to a gym.  Maybe I had something to prove to the staff, like “See I don’t need your stinkin’ gym, I have my own gym, LIFE.  That’s right I belong to the gym of Life and not only is it free, it pays me back in dividends.”  Okay, I’ll sell that one somewhere else.

For 9 months, I have debated this very decision.  Like somehow merely having a gym accessible would be enough to keep me in shape. I’m sure the second I leave, I’ll want it back, like in High School when you find out the boy who pined for you has moved on.    I’m also certain that if I leave, they’ll never honor my expired gift certificate for a massage and a facial.  So to save the $200 bucks on the spa certificate I’ve spent $1100 staying at the gym.  Let’s just say math is not my subject.

I went down to the spa to make sure they would honor my gift card.  They had to call down manager after manager and finally ended with a woman named Sharon.  She thought I was insane for trying to redeem a 2 year old gift.  “Are you a member,” Sharon inquired.  “Of course,” I replied as technically I still was.  After explaining to Sharon, that I love the club and so desperately need the massage and facial, she reluctantly honored my gift certificate.

I then took myself upstairs to quit that place, once and for all.  First, I was seen by the smile committee… Test One: See What you Could be. A beautiful and very fit woman walked in.  “I’m just here till the manager arrives.”  As if I am not capable of waiting alone. “So, why don’t you like us anymore?”  Test Two: Ability to Withstand Guilt. “It’s not that I don’t like you, I don’t even know you” though your skinny thighs are pissing me off. “I just don’t use your gym anymore.”  “Well, you must be doing something right, you’re in fabulous shape.” She replied… Test Three: Kill em With Kindness I do kegals while sitting in front of my computer, I guess they’re paying off.”  “Well, it’s a shame you hate it here so much.  Oh, here’s the manager now, Jenny have you met Sharon?”

“Ummmm, Uh huh.”

11 thoughts on “Why is it so Hard to Cancel a Gym Membership

  1. cherie

    Great. I was thinking of joining a club…not. Well, did you get the massage? Or did you actually quit?

  2. Jennifer

    Once again you have inspired some morning laughter (and laughter prior to my cuppa joe no less). Now I must be going–off to the gym, NOT! Like I need to pay $30 dollars to make myself feel guilty and lazy–makes no sense.

    Love the blog–huge fan of sarcasm.

  3. Alison

    I have been in this spot so many times I hate to even think about it. How much money have I thrown down the toilet? An answer I, and my husband, would rather never know! Thanks for finding the humor in the ever-humiliating task of trying to cancel! You are the best.

  4. Bari

    Jenny, this article was so on target! I once joined a “club Nautilus” gym. It was in the 1980’s and club workouts were the big thing. Well, I was into big things so I took out a lifetime membership. I felt too gawlked at by middle aged men and quit after 2 weeks. Turns out the gyms lifetime wasn’t very long either. They went belly up after one year. Not a pretty picture!
    P.S. I loved your ending! I could just picture the look on your face.

  5. BRian

    While I appreciate the humor in the article, and your admission that you probably did have time to make it to the gym after all, The comments on the article bother me!

    As if having a gym membership is a BAD thing simply because you couldn’t use it! If you had set a goal, with a deadline, and tuned into the reason WHY you had the gym membership in the first place, then you would have gotten a lot of mileage from that membership.

    Consider “Getting back on the wagon” and really commiting to yourself with a well established goal. You’ll love yourself for it!

    Kudos again on the humor in your writing. I still enjoyed it as a good read!

  6. Barry

    Loved your article. Might be cheaper for you to wear large baggy sweaters instead of buying Larger clothes. Unbutton any buttons you have to, noone will know. Unfortunately it gets a little warm in Fl and up north in the summer. You might stand out wearing your heavy wool knit but who cares, right? Dress like this long enough and you’ll probably sweat off the weight without using a gym or working out.
    Years ago I had a complete gym at my home. I used s stair climbing machine every day for 1/2 hr., for a couple years. I don’t remember the particulars, somehow my daughter NEEDED it and got it. The next time I saw it she was putting it to a new use. Her bedroom was pretty tidy. Clothing and lots of other stuff was hanging from the now Storage Rack, catchall. I guess it’s new use would serve a different purpose. At that time, she should have stuck with the gym.

  7. Insanitykim

    OK first, I don’t remember signing a release allowing you to use my picture for this blog post.

    Next. The money you save, spend on me.

    Third. Why do I lie so much?

    Fourth…I bet you have been on FB, looking through my pix, looking for my chubby knees…

    Five. I mean fifth. Forgot what I was gonna say…

    and Finally, if you can alternate kegals with sphincter exercises then you are my hero.

    Maybe I’ll just go leave something obnoxious on your wall…

  8. Cheryl

    Well, if @momfluential thinks your funny, I knew i had to come over. Hysterical! Just the other day I took a picture of our brand new, $1000 treadmill – with my DOG lying on it. At least it’s getting good use!

  9. Leanne Matin

    Up until now, all I have read on this article is extremely boring, and seems to be written by writers that lack education. You¡¯ve done a very good job conveying your passion with accurate information.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge