Said in a rest stop bathroom in front of one of those machines that has all things useful from Tylenol to wine openers…
8yo Daugher: “Mom, why do they sell candy in the bathroom?”
Me: “That’s not candy, it’s a tampon”
8yo: “What’s a tampon?”
Me: (I always said, if my kids asked a question I would do my best to answer honestly.) “It’s when insert uncomfortable conversation here how blood flows from your body … once a month etc. ”
8yo: (After cringing and informing me that she may rethink being a girl because girls “get all the sucky stuff like boobies and blood that comes out when you don’t even have a cut,” she noticed a row of rainbow colored condoms in clear packaging,) “what’s that purple balloon thing?”
Me: “Candy, now let’s go.”
(To hell with honesty!)
While watching the Voice…
8yo Daughter: Mom, I feel really bad for that girl. She’s an only child and her parents are divorced.
Me: Really??? I’m an only child and my parents are divorced.
8yo Daughter: (look of awe as if she processed for the first time — then sigh) It’s different, she’s younger than you.
Me: I was younger than me once too, you know?
8yo Daughter: Yeah, but she doesn’t have bangs.
(Bangs make it all better)
Talking with Tracey about KY Jelly…
Tracey: Seriously, who buys that stuff?
Me: I’ve bought it before, I don’t think it’s so random.
Tracey: Well, do you buy a specific type that does something special, like heats up? Ooh, or makes your husband look like Adam Levine? Do they have one that does that, because if they do, I’ll buy it…
Me: Yes, in fact they do … You buy the regular kind and apply it to your eyeballs.
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