Ashton Kutcher has Dashed all my Hopes of Becoming a Cougar

ashton and demiOh Ashton, why? You and Demi were the poster children for May-December romances. You and you alone instilled hope in the thirty to fifty something divorcees everywhere! Your relationship with Bruce and the children. The doe eyes you made whenever Demi walked into a room. The matching white linen suits you wore to the Kabbalah center… Your abs. You made us aging women feel young, beautiful, capable of snagging a strapping, hottie that we would have once thought was sure to be uninterested in an older women.

I was so looking forward to my moment with a recent college grad. Wearing his fraternity letters to bed, maybe even getting lavaliered, but clearly it’s not in the cards. Sure, I’m married, which already implies that it’s not in the cards, but on days when I’m quite positive this union will end in divorce (Let’s face it ladies, we all have those days), I like to imagine what the future will hold. For me it’s a young professional or a fireman, who’s extremely hot, has washboard abs, and most importantly has a love for my experience and mature beauty that borders on obsession. Scratch that, most importantly, he has washboard abs. But, one cover of Star later, and poof, my doting strapping fireman/lawyer disappeared into a cloud of “I knew it was too good to be true.”

Now, I know it can never be. A man so young, so hot will eventually stray back to a young chippee, even if you look as good as Demi Moore. Thanks a lot Ashton, now I guess I’ll just have to stay married to the aging hottie I have… even if his abs aren’t defined.

5 thoughts on “Ashton Kutcher has Dashed all my Hopes of Becoming a Cougar

  1. Bari

    You can still qualify as a married “cougar in your mind”. Ashton may be hot and “cool” but he’s also evidently pretty stupid. The 21 year old he’s been cavorting with is no Demi… Not even close!

  2. Tiffa

    If it helps at all, my parents May-Dec romance has been going strong for 10 years – they are 20 years apart. What probably won’t help is that my step-dad has never had washboard abs. Or even close.

  3. cherie

    Another great tale. Men seem to stray no matter what age, especially when their hot, handsome, and have washboard abs. There are too, too many distractions and too, too many women young and old looking to fondle those washboard abs. Some of us just dream…others actually attempt it. But I will never stop dreaming.


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