This is the shocking follow up to last week’s post, in which I regaled what I thought was one of the most awkward conversations – the one where I explained to J, (my son who turned 12 the day after) what “motorboating” means (with mock demonstration). If you haven’t read that masterpiece yet, it’s a great point of reference, as I was pretty certain I could not be more uncomfortable until this happened…
After reading said article, Mark called me into our room laughing. “Jenny, I think the joke is on you. You don’t really think the kids in school are talking about ‘motorboating’ do you?”
Me: “Yeah, I do.”
Mark: “You’re so naive… I DIDN’T even know what ‘motorboating’ was… I’m pretty sure they were saying master-bating and he misunderstood. And I bet that’s what your readers thought.”
Me: “You are insane. I think he can tell the difference between the two words and even though you’ve never heard the term … ‘motorboating’ is a real thing people say to be funny.”
“Whatever, Jenny … I think this time you’re the one missing the joke.”
Then he proceeded to call in J.
“J, I heard how Mom taught you ‘motorboating,’ that’s funny.”
*laugh laugh* we all laughed (but while WE were laughing I was thinking, where exactly is this going?)
MarK: “Is it possible that you misheard the kids in school?” Mark continued to my dismay “Could they have been saying master-bating?”
J: “Ummm no, they were definitely saying ‘motorboating’ because they were making the noise Mom made … but I’ve heard that word too, what’s master-bating?”
This is about the time that the old conversation looked like having tea with the Queen. It took everything in me not to say, “Yeah Mark, tell us, what’s master-bating,” but I couldn’t because I had already gotten in my car and driven a mile from my house by the time J punctuated his question.
Actually, my hubby unlike me, was quick to shirk off the question (which means I’ll end up telling him or at least connecting the word to the act). He changed the subject and J left the room.
Me: “Nice move! Now we have to explain master-bating. Want to call him back in and see if he knows what a ‘pearl necklace’ is? Maybe a ‘dirty Sanchez’? Or how to ‘Superman That Ho’ … I mean why stop now?”
Mark: “Well, I guess you were right, it was ‘motorboating’ … live and learn.”
After threatening to give him a ‘frosted wallet’ (that’s a term I made up for divorce, maybe it’ll catch on) I went into J’s room and found him on YouTube (please don’t let this be a video of what I think it is).
Me: “Whatja watchin’?”
J: “Urban Dictionary’s list of terms and phrases every college student should know.”
(Is it weird that I was a bit proud, I mean, it’s the first thing I’ve really seen him study since entering middle school. I sat down just in time to see the end of “Make it Rain”)
Me: “What’s ‘make it rain’?”
J: “That’s when you throw wads of cash at strippers or if you’re really rich you throw cocaine in the air at a nightclub, and yell, ‘I’m gonna make it rain up in dis joint'” he said in the matter of fact way he would tell me how to find a common denominator.
Me: “That’ll come in handy.”
Then I ran back to my room…
Me: “Well, Mark I hope you’re happy, now J knows a whole slew of new words that will definitely come in handy in 6th grade. Like ‘dweet’ he could be all “I’m so embarrassed, I dweeted you that picture of my penis, I was wasted.” Or maybe he’ll find better use for ‘screwvenir’ like, “I kept Becky’s panties as a screwvenir.”
RELATED ARTICLE : Tween Boys Still Need Their Mommy’s, I Have Proof