Here’s the thing, I’m not saying you’re neurotic, but we’ve all had those moments that totally defy all logic and reasoning. It’s just that some of us have more than others. I have these moments almost
daily, hourly. I know… you’re jealous.
You too can have them, just develop a hearty case of OCD or throw all rational reasoning out the window and start to believe your thoughts can control the world (they’re the same thing).
My please-don’t-have-me-committed moment du jour was focused on a prescription of antibiotics for my daughter’s double ear infection. Please note, the child’s never had an ear infection and for her first, she’s decided to have two. Let me tell you, that kid NEVER does anything half-assed, which is something I usually marvel at.
Anyhoo, after 4 days of diligently doling out her meds, twice a day (No easy task, as any mom will tell you), I accidentally knocked the bottle over onto the counter.
I felt the way an alcoholic would watching interventionists pour the last bit of liquor down the drain, or worse, the way EVERY breastfeeding mom feels when a bottle of pumped milk AKA “liquid gold” is spilled – sob worthy.
I watched as the pink milky blob spread across the counter and did what any other self respecting mom would do. I grabbed a medicine syringe and started siphoning the remains. But, I couldn’t put it back into the bottle, why? I mean, there were 6 days left and at least 4 were staring at me in a blob on the counter. Instead I filled a separate glass with everything I could suck up, and stared at it.
Now, a new mom would probably have simply cleaned the mess and then called the doctor for a refill, but I’m not new at this game and I wasn’t about to start that phone tree. I know, “counter medicine” should be fine, the same way “floor Goldfish” are fine, and “carpet Cheez-Its” are as good as the ones in the box. But, I couldn’t do it. Instead I called over my cleaning lady, who happened to be at my house that day and I’m sure had nothing better to do than deal with my neurosis.
“Hey Denay, did you clean the counters already because I spilled Ryan’s medicine and I don’t know if I can give it to her.”
“Yes, Yenny they’re clean – is fine.” (She’s Colombian, and not only talks like Sofia Vergara, she looks like her. Fo REAL.)
“Phew, it should be fine. OK, I’ll pour it back into the bottle.”
Denay sauntered back to working and I went to crazy town, which looks like this…
But wait, what did she use? Sometimes she just uses a soapy water, but sometimes it’s this spray on granite cleaner that’s most definitely toxic. And what happens if it mixes with antibiotic? It could be like a weird drug interaction that’s never been studied because, why would anyone combine granite cleaner and antibiotics to find out if it’s lethal or not? They wouldn’t, which means it’s unGoogleable and if there’s one thing I know, it’s that anything that’s unGoogleable is a bad idea.
“Hey Denay,” I yelled over the vacuum, “did you use soapy water or that granite cleaner?”
“Um, today yuss water, lass week, cleaner.”
“OK, good, water, I’ll put it back in the bottle.”
Wait, water no soap? That can’t be good, what if the counters are too dirty from a week of exposure to stuff, like Salmonella, botulism, my son’s hands? Now, I definitely shouldn’t put the medicine back. We’ve all seen those cleaning shows where they do that swab-petri-dish test and find the germs in the kitchen are worse than the ones in the bathroom, right?
Realizing I was splashing around in an abyss of faulty logic, I closed my eyes and just mixed the two. I figured the diluted antibiotic/botulism/salmonella/granite cleaner would be better than the full strength version. I also hoped if anything can kill a strain of whatever is on my counter-tops it’s an antibiotic.
Now, you may be laughing at me (if it were your story, I’d be laughing at you), but I think every parent has these moments. These totally idiotic hiccups where their minds stampede straight to the most alarmist scenarios and they slowly self destruct.
If you are void of such instances I must know what drug your on ASAP, I just hope it’s not something that’s been exposed to the counter.
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