Lately, I’ve found myself asking my readers rhetorical parenting questions in a not so overt attempt to assuage guilt and make sure I’m not alone. Last week’s guilt driven query: Is it wrong for the “Tooth Fairy” to steal money from one kid to pay the other?
PS: The answer according to my Facebook Fans is a resounding no. Phew. Though I fear that armed with this knowledge, I may be asking them next week if the same goes for paying the pizza delivery guy. Oh well.
That said, I’m guessing there’s a slew of questions every mom will ask herself at least once — here are just a few…
1. At what age do I have to tell them babies don’t come from your belly button?
2. Is it really worth it to fight over them brushing their teeth every day, twice a day? I mean, they’re just gonna lose them all anyway, right?
3. How much longer before one of them realizes I have absolutely no clue what I’m doing?
4. If I freeze right now and act like a statue, will he fall back to sleep so that I can exit the room, or did I just screw up my whole night by checking on him (again)?
5. How many times in one day can a child utter the word mom/mommy? How many times in an hour? A minute? A second?
6. How can such a tiny adorable thing produce such an offensive disgusting odor?
7. Is it wrong for the “Tooth Fairy” to steal money from one kid to pay the other?
8. What the hell sound does a chick make? Does it go peep-peep or chirp-chirp? Or does it squeak? (Wait, it may only squeak if you step on it, crap.)
9. Forget rinse and repeat! Will I ever be able to wash all my body parts a single time – during a single shower?
10. Is it creepy that I want to snuggle with them forever?
11. What did I do today that they will bring up years from now in therapy?
12. Will my kids ever eat things that you can’t find on a kiddie menu?
13. Does jumping in the pool not count as a bath?
14. Will my child still be using a diaper/binky/blankie when she walks down the aisle?
15. Why does it seem like they’re the messiest right after I clean up?
16. Will it ever be possible to make it across my house without stepping on or tripping over a Lego, Barbie, ball, skateboard, drum stick, puzzle piece, My Little Pony, or something they got in a Happy Meal?
17. Is it considered child labor if I tell them part of the reason I had them was to answer phones, let the dog out, and bring me water.
18. When will they learn how to use Google and hence end my favorite defensive maneuver: the bold faced lie? “No movies don’t play after 8PM.” “No they don’t give out ketchup at drive thrus.” “Yes, the arcade is closed for renovations … indefinitely.”
19. When did I go from being the most awesome person ever to the most uncool person to walk this Earth?
And these are my faves from my Facebook Fans (thanks guys!)
20. When will he learn I really DON’T have eyes in the back of my head? – Lynn
21. When did I become my mother, and is this really a bad thing? – Loren
22. Do they deliberately aim for the wall next to the toilet? – Daniel
23. How much longer ’til I get to go over to THEIR houses & mess everything up? – Joanne
24. When can they get jobs? – Michele
25. How long will “kisses” make everything feel better? – Amy
Go Ahead Share This With Someone Who’s Asked These Unexpected Questions (AKA, ANY MOM)
And feel free to add a question you ask … you know you wanna!