For better or worse … that’s what we agreed to, right? Who new when we signed up for this by saying “I do,” that our mates would become so annoying?
Sure, we love them, but let’s face it, when you live with someone day in day out for what feels like an eternity, the little quirks that were once endearing, or at least easy to ignore, can become somewhat irritating, exasperating, irksome, maddening, and grating. Have I said too much?
Last week, my husband — who has pretty much no idea how to use most of the items in our home or where we keep them for that matter — screamed from the kitchen (after having a tooth extracted), “Hey honey, where do we keep the saltwater, or do we not have any in the house?” I was tempted to send him to the store to futilely search for a bottle o’ saltwater simply to avoid dealing with the ridiculousness of that question, plus I needed time to think of reasons I love him.
Instead, I made you this list of annoying things husbands do (well, mine at least), for the purpose of female bonding and personal sanity…
- He constantly pours out drinks that people are still drinking. He puts nothing else in our house away, but if you are not actively holding the cup and sipping, you’re done with it. (The last time he poured out my latte, he almost lost an arm.
- When he goes to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I’m pretty sure he’s aiming for the walls.
- He doesn’t know where we keep anything ie: the spatula, the extra paper towels, the extender to change light bulbs, the forks, the vacuum cleaner … the oven.
- I have a daily variation of a conversation in which he can’t find something and then insists that we or the store he’s searching in, is out of it.
- Once he tried to make hard-boiled eggs for my son. I told him, ‘All you have to do is boil water.’ When it was boiling, he screamed, ‘Okay, now what?’
- If something isn’t within plain view he can’t find it, did I say plain view? I meant actually in his hands.
- He always seems to want to have sex when I don’t.
- Did you know the Yankees play 165 games a season? We have the MLB extra innings station on TV. ‘Nuf said!!
- I asked if he would try and get healthy with me … he stuck his hand in a bag of mini Oreos and said, ‘Yep I’m totally on board.’
- He has the same attitude about the hamper and the sink that most people have about horseshoes. ‘Eh, close enough.’
- Trash day has been Monday and Thursday for the last decade, plus he has to pass everyone else’s cans as he drives out of our development — and still he forgets 50 percent of the time.
- Sometimes he blows his nose on the cloth napkins at restaurants. Seriously, who under 85 does that?
- He stuffs a pillow and the comforter between his knees when he sleeps, then he rolls over at least once a night — taking it all with him.
- When he’s sick the world stop spinning on its axis, he leaves a mound of tissues on the floor that you could pitch off of, and I’m pretty sure he walks around wiping his hands on every handle, phone, and remote in our home.
- I have to tell him everything a thousand times. For two months we went to the bathroom in the dark because I refused to remind him to change the bulb and apparently sitting on the toilet in a dark room wasn’t reminder enough.
- He thinks that sneezing off to the side is the same as covering your mouth. This is especially annoying when we’re in the car and he sneezes straight onto the closed window.
- He always announces when he’s straightened up, which is actually a good thing because I wouldn’t be able to tell otherwise.
- He sleeps on top of the top sheet.
- Whenever I ask him to look at something on my laptop he tries to scroll or make it bigger by putting his fingers on the screen. Has he never seen a computer?
- He tells me he knows how to get somewhere and then 30 minutes later, he calls to tell me he’s lost.
- He always parks in the spot closest to where he enters the parking lot, which is usually the farthest from the actual store. As we walk, I annoyingly point out every spot we could’ve had.
- He eats Doritos, Cheetos, and Cheez-Its in bed. I love finding orange fingerprints on our white bedding or a Dorito corner embedded in my thigh.
PS — Don’t feel bad for my man, the list of things I love about him is wayyyyyy longer (it’s just not funny). Plus, I’m sure he could make lengthy list of all the irritating things I do — but luckily, he has no idea where we keep the pens and paper. Phew …
I lOVE YOU MONKEY!!!
Allright, now spill, it’s cathartic: What annoys you about the spouse you so dearly love?
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